FACT: All of the "Stuff" you are going to cook is dead*.
Muerte:
Green Beans
in their tin coffin
*Yeah, yeah, - "Blah-blah oysters, blah-blah yeasts are all alive and and blah-blah cheese cultures too!"
My mature and reasoned answer to this?
"Piffle and twaddlypoo! These things all come under the heading of "Dead Enough", and anyone who wants to argue the point is just being a doodie-head, nyah!".
So! You are in the enviable position of being able to bring the passing of noble animals, vegetables, fruits, grains, tubers, legumes, and whatnot, some dignity and value!My mature and reasoned answer to this?
"Piffle and twaddlypoo! These things all come under the heading of "Dead Enough", and anyone who wants to argue the point is just being a doodie-head, nyah!".
Their departure from this plane may even live on in treasured memories, (remember that fantastic Turkey at Aunt Bessie's in '99?).
See? You're not just trying to make 'eats'. You're making memorials! Memorials constructed of Mac n' Cheese, or Tater Tots, I'll grant you, but memorials to the harvested amber waves of grain and Russet Burbank potato and wholesome milk, nonetheless!
Makes your heart swell, donit? Cooking is so cool, and you just totally rock for even trying!
So, consider that carrot, taken from a cello bag in the fridge. 
It has done all the growing it's gonna do, and you alone stand between it and the great compost heap in the sky. You decide to take a stab at making a proud memorial to this little stick of beta carotene.
What the heck do you have to lose? Relax and give it a shot!
Grateful Dead: Bag of Carrots
Making it into a nice carrot cak
e with cream cheese frosting and little carrot decorations is elevating for both of you, AND even if your efforts result in total disaster, you tried!
Do you think that the average carrot aspired to this sort of grandeur when it went to career day in High School? Do you think it isn't (on some karmic vegetable level), grateful for your efforts?
See? Just TRYING to make that carrot into something, my friend, is a noble act! Good for your noble self!
Noble Carrot Memorial Cake
e with cream cheese frosting and little carrot decorations is elevating for both of you, AND even if your efforts result in total disaster, you tried!Do you think that the average carrot aspired to this sort of grandeur when it went to career day in High School? Do you think it isn't (on some karmic vegetable level), grateful for your efforts?
See? Just TRYING to make that carrot into something, my friend, is a noble act! Good for your noble self!
Noble Carrot Memorial Cake
No comments:
Post a Comment